BlogTHE PRESSURE TO FIT IN FOR STUDENTS: EXCLUSION FROM FRIENDS AND GROUPS AFFECTING SELF-ESTEEM
THE PRESSURE TO FIT IN FOR STUDENTS: EXCLUSION FROM FRIENDS AND GROUPS AFFECTING SELF-ESTEEM
2025-09-13
Imagine having to hide your personality, identity and true self just for the sake of feeling included in a group. Hiding behind a mask of constructed identity that is more accepted by our social circle is too much of a common occurrence these days. This pressure to fit in, and the fear of being excluded, among students significantly impacts their academic performance, self-esteem and mental health. They often feel forced to follow social norms and meet peer expectations in order to fit in and avoid being left out. They might even suffer from bullying, low motivation and the feeling of unworthiness in friendships.
In an attempt to avoid exclusion, students might change their behaviors, beliefs, or appearance to fit in, which can affect their authentic self-development. Excluded students may become easy targets for bullying, further isolating them and increasing emotional and physical stress, making it hard for students to express their true potential. As Chad Rose, director of the Mizzou Ed Bully Prevention Lab, stated in an interview with the University of Missouri, “Previous studies suggest when a kid is excluded from social activities by their peers at school, the outcomes for that kid both short-term and long-term will be just as detrimental as if they got kicked, punched or slapped every day” (Consiglio). Social exclusion can therefore be equally as harmful as physical bullying, and the student may continue to suffer from the effects for a very long time.
Being included in social events is often viewed as a solution to problems like loneliness, when in fact it creates new issues if the person is forced into it. As Guzman Holst et al. state, "Peer relationships have an important function in children’s social and emotional well-being. Although close friendships can enhance resilience and improve mental health in young people, negative peer experiences such as peer victimization and peer aggression can have detrimental impacts on mental health.” The need to fit in makes students focus on other people’s expectations which wastes mental energy on figuring out how to impress others. They may end up losing the chance to make friends who would value and appreciate them as they truly are.
To better understand how students themselves perceive these pressures, a poll was conducted among 75 students from Grade IX Buddha section (37 students) and Grade VI Diamond (38 students). Interestingly, when asked directly whether most students feel pressure to change their personality or appearance to fit in with peers, only 8.1% of Grade IX students and 5.3% of Grade VI students responded affirmatively.
This low percentage suggests that students may not always recognize or acknowledge the subtle ways peer pressure influences their behavior, or they may underestimate its prevalence among their classmates. It is common in heavily social settings, like classrooms, that students have become normalized to peer pressure that they no longer recognize it as such.
Trying desperately to fit in takes a toll on a student’s mental health. Students can experience feelings of anxiety, sadness, or even frustration about who they are. Students tend to lack confidence in their beliefs, and start to doubt their own judgment and lean towards assuming that their instincts are wrong.
The objective is not to care about others less, but to strike a balance. Students should keep in mind that true friends will accept them the way they are, and not who they pretend to be. The kind of people worth knowing are those who value genuineness and compassion more than admiration and popularity. In line with this understanding, another poll was conducted within the same sample group regarding their preference towards friend circles. An overwhelming majority of students across both grades agreed that it's better to have fewer genuine friends who accept you as you are than many friends who only like the "fake" version of yourself—78.4% of Grade IX students and an impressive 92.1% of Grade VI students supported this view. This demonstrates that students value authenticity in friendships, even if they may not always recognize the pressures that work against it.
Schools, parents, and students themselves can work together to create environments where being different is normal and ordinary. When students feel safe to express their real thoughts and interests, everyone benefits from it. Classrooms become more interesting, friendships become more genuine, and students can focus on learning and growing instead of just fitting in socially.
By building confidence in their own worth and surrounding themselves with people who support them, students can proceed through school life while staying true to themselves and having their own unique personality. After all, the goal isn't to fit in perfectly. It's to find where you belong while becoming the best version of yourself without having to fit in and seek approval from others.
References:
Consiglio, Brian. “Social Exclusion More Common Form of Bullying Than Physical, Verbal Aggression.” Show Me Mizzou, 19 Sept. 2022, https://showme.missouri.edu/2022/social-exclusion-more-common-form-of-bullying-than-physical-verbal-aggression. Accessed 15 July 2025.
Guzman Holst, Carolina, et al. “What Happens to Children’s Mental Health and Peer Relationships During Periods of Restricted and Unrestricted Social Interactions? Results From the Co-SPACE Study in Primary School-Aged Children.” JAACAP Open, vol. 1, no. 2, Sep. 2023, pp. 128–40. ScienceDirect, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jaacop.2023.05.003.
